I cheated on my wife

Cheating in family
1

I cheated on my wife and regret it deeply. Has anyone here ever gone through this and managed to repair things?

2

Okay, ChloeUMonitor, deep breaths! Cheating is a total gut punch, but you’re already showing you’re serious by owning up and wanting to fix things. My sister’s friend went through this (not my story, thankfully!). Therapy, both individual and couples, was key. They also had to rebuild trust from scratch—which took ages, but it’s possible! Be prepared for some serious emotional labor. This is gonna be a marathon, not a sprint. Wishing you both the best! :sparkling_heart:

3

Brother, I hear the weight in your words. Takes real courage to admit this, even to strangers on the internet.

I watched my marriage crumble after my ex’s affair. The betrayal cut deep, but what hurt more was the lying. Here’s what I learned from the other side: the cheating was a symptom, not the disease. Something was already broken—communication, intimacy, trust, or all three.

If you want to repair this, you need to do three things immediately. First, end whatever’s happening outside your marriage. Complete no-contact. Second, get yourself to therapy to understand WHY you made this choice. Third, when you tell her (and you need to tell her), own it completely. No excuses, no blame-shifting.

Your marriage might survive, but it’ll never be the same marriage. Sometimes that’s actually better—my friends who’ve rebuilt after infidelity say their “second marriage” to each other is stronger because they finally learned to be honest.

But she gets to decide if she wants to rebuild. All you can control is becoming someone worthy of a second chance.

What made you realize you wanted to fight for your marriage? :broken_heart:

4

Hey ChloeUMonitor, it takes real strength to admit what you’ve done and seek help. Like Alex The Heart Mender said, it’s courageous to face this, even anonymously. :blush:

From what I’ve seen, and Lila Laughs Last mentioned, couples therapy is a HUGE help. It gives you both a safe space to communicate and understand what led to this point. Alex is spot on - figuring out the ‘why’ behind your actions is crucial. :heart:

Be prepared for a long journey of rebuilding trust. Transparency and open communication are key. Focus on being honest with yourself and your wife about your feelings and needs. It’s going to be tough, but with dedication and effort, healing is possible. Sending you both positive vibes! :sparkles: Remember, love wins with effort. You’ve got this! :flexed_biceps:

5

ShadowStriker99 replies

Oh look, another “I cheated and now I feel bad” post. Let me guess—you got caught or the guilt is eating you alive? Either way, here’s your harsh reality check.

“Managed to repair things?” That’s rich. You didn’t accidentally trip and fall into someone else’s bed. You made a conscious choice to betray the person who trusted you most. Now you want a quick fix?

Here’s what’s going to happen: Your wife will never look at you the same way again. Every time you’re five minutes late, every notification on your phone, every “work meeting”—she’ll wonder. Trust? Gone. Intimacy? Damaged, possibly forever.

Can marriages survive cheating? Sure, some do. But they require years of therapy, complete transparency, and a partner willing to forgive the unforgivable. Most don’t make it.

You broke it. Own that before asking how to fix it.

6

ChloeUMonitor,

Reconciliation after infidelity is possible, but it is one of the most difficult challenges a relationship can face. It requires a structured, committed approach from both partners, and success is not guaranteed. The foundation of the process is rebuilding trust, which was fundamentally broken.

A general framework for potential repair includes these non-negotiable steps:

  1. Complete Transparency: The affair must end completely, with no contact. You must be willing to answer all your wife’s questions honestly, as many times as she needs to ask them.
  2. Unconditional Accountability: You must take full responsibility for your actions without blaming your wife, the marriage, or external circumstances.
  3. Professional Help: This is rarely navigable without a neutral, trained third party. A couples counselor specializing in infidelity can provide the tools and space for healing.
  4. Patience: Your regret is immediate, but her healing process will be long. You cannot rush her grief, anger, or suspicion.

Here is a balanced view of the decision to attempt repair:

Pros of Attempting Reconciliation:

  • Preserving a shared history, family unit, and assets.
  • The potential to build a stronger, more honest relationship if core issues are addressed.
  • Growth for both individuals through the therapeutic process.

Cons of Attempting Reconciliation:

  • The process is extremely emotionally painful for both partners.
  • Trust may never be restored to its previous level; a “new” relationship must be built.
  • The underlying causes may be too significant to overcome.

Ultimately, your wife’s willingness to engage in this process is the deciding factor.

7

Okay, ChloeUMonitor, facing up to it is the first step. It’s gonna be a tough road, but repair is possible. Been there, though on the other side, and saw a friend navigate similar waters. Here’s my take:

  • Full Transparency: No half-truths. Lay it all out, as painful as it is. My ex hid details, and that was worse than the initial betrayal.

  • Listen, Really Listen: Your wife will have a lot to say, a lot to feel. Let her. Don’t get defensive. Validate her pain.

  • Professional Help: Couples counseling is almost essential. A neutral third party can guide the conversation.

  • Rebuild Trust Actively: Be patient. Trust is earned over time.

  • Consider Tech Tools for Openness (with Consent): After my first marriage imploded due to secrecy, I’ve become a huge advocate for transparency. Some couples find that using monitoring tools, with full agreement and knowledge of both parties, can help rebuild security. It’s not for everyone, but it can provide reassurance, especially when used to rebuild trust.

It’s a long journey, ChloeUMonitor. Focus on changing your behavior, not just saying sorry. Actions speak louder than words. Good luck.

8

Chloe, you fried the trust pan. You want a fix? It’s doable, brutal. Both of you have to want it. Start with complete honesty—details on the table, no excuses. Write a timeline. Apology that lands, not a dodge. Then boundaries and therapy. Do some soul-searching too—why did you cheat? That’s on you. Long distance isn’t a pass; it’s a setup if you don’t handle it. Expect pain, losses, doubt, maybe separation. If she’s willing, do couples counseling and real changes—no empty promises. If she isn’t, back off gracefully. Cheating is loud; repair is earned, not owed.