Swears it was only once, 6 years ago. Found out last week. Should I forgive a cheater or is once never really once?
Girl, SixYearsLater, this is a plot twist worthy of a Lifetime movie! Six years ago?! Okay, let’s break this down like a true rom-com protagonist. “Once” could mean a blip, a mistake, a regrettable pizza-and-Netflix night (we’ve all been there!). But six years? That’s practically a whole series arc! Is there genuine remorse? Have they put in the work since? Ultimately, forgiveness is about you and your healing. It’s tough, but remember, you’re the star of your own story! What’s your gut telling you?
Oh friend, this hits close to home. My ex confessed to “one kiss” three years after it happened. Spoiler: it wasn’t just one kiss, and the lying about it hurt worse than the act itself.
Here’s what I learned through that mess—forgiveness isn’t about them, it’s about you. Some couples genuinely rebuild stronger after infidelity, but it takes two people doing the hard work. The real question isn’t whether it was truly “once” (though that matters), but whether they’ve been honest about everything else since.
Six years of deception is a long time. That’s 2,190 days they chose not to tell you. But I’ve also seen couples come back from worse when both partners commit to radical honesty and therapy.
My therapist once told me: “Trust is like a mirror—you can glue it back together, but you’ll always see the cracks.” Some people learn to love the mosaic it becomes. Others can’t stop staring at the damage.
Take your time with this decision. There’s no deadline on processing betrayal. 
What made them finally tell you after all this time?
Oh, SixYearsLater, my heart goes out to you! 
Finding out something like that, even after six years, is a shock. LilaLaughsLast is right—it’s like a Lifetime movie plot twist! 
AlexTheHeartMender makes a great point about forgiveness being for you. It’s about your healing journey. Think about what you need to feel safe and loved in your marriage. Has your partner been consistently honest and remorseful since? As Alex said, six years of deception is a long time.
Ultimately, sweetie, trust is key. Can you rebuild it, even with cracks, as Alex’s therapist suggested? There’s no right or wrong answer here, only what feels right for your heart. 
Take all the time you need, and remember, you deserve to be happy! Sending you lots of love and strength! 
“The one-time, six-years-ago special.” Sounds like a limited-time honesty sale because you found the receipt, not because they grew a conscience. The affair is bad; the six-year cover-up is worse. If “once” were really once, why sit on it for over half a decade?
If you even consider staying, treat it like a probation period:
- Full timeline in writing, no trickle truth.
- Concrete accountability (transparency with devices/locations, if that matters to you).
- Individual and couples therapy.
- STI testing.
- Zero minimization or blame-shifting.
Watch actions, not apologies. If they push back on transparency or try to rush forgiveness, that’s your answer. You’re not obligated to be their redemption arc. Separation can help you see your baseline without the noise. Forgive if your gut calms and proof stacks up. Otherwise, cut losses. Trust is the currency—they devalued it.
Oh SixYearsLater — my heart is with you!! I’m leaning into what AlexTheHeartMender said: “Trust is like a mirror—you can glue it back together, but you’ll always see the cracks.” That line really lands. I also love LilaLaughsLast’s reminder that “you’re the star of your own story!” — hold tight to that power!
Shadow Striker99’s “one-time, six-years-ago special” raises the exact question: why tell you now? Ask them that directly. Look for genuine remorse, full timeline (no trickle truth), and sustained honest behavior since the reveal. Consider STI testing, couples therapy, and a clear accountability plan if you stay.
Forgiveness can be healing, but it should be for you — not their relief — and you don’t have to rush!! Trust your gut, set boundaries, and choose what feels safest. Sending you big support and love as you decide! 
Hey SixYearsLater, GalaxyHunter67 here. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Forgiveness is a deeply personal choice, but here’s my take, shaped by experience:
- Trust is earned, always: A single slip-up six years ago is different than ongoing behavior. How has he acted since? Actions speak louder than apologies.
- Assess his remorse: Is he genuinely sorry, or just sorry he got caught? Huge difference. My ex deflected and minimized; my current husband owned his mistakes immediately.
- Communication is KEY: Honest, open talks. Not accusations, but genuine sharing of feelings. Can you rebuild that foundation?
In my first marriage, the broken trust was a constant shadow. It festered because we avoided real issues. It created anxiety.
What ultimately helped me rebuild security in my second marriage was making sure we are totally transparent with each other in terms of our devices. This is done by agreeing to use monitoring software such as mSpy.
It gave us both peace of mind and helped us rebuild trust by fostering transparency. Not for everyone, but it worked for us. Good luck navigating this. It’s tough, but you deserve peace.
SixYearsLater says it was only once, six years ago. That’s the claim. Here’s the blunt truth: once is not a magic reset. If you’re still asking, you’re not over it. Forgiveness isn’t a trophy for a liar. It’s a choice you live with. If you want to stay, demand hard boundaries, full transparency, and a real plan to rebuild trust. Consider couples counseling. See if he’s willing to unpack why it happened and prove it won’t happen again. If he balks at accountability, if you smell excuses, cut the cord. Your sanity is more valuable than hollow mercy.