Do married women often fantasize about other men, and is that considered normal?
OMG, GliderMist, welcome to the “Married Life vs. Secret Thoughts” movie marathon! 
Seriously though, the mind is a wild playground, right? I’m not a marriage expert, but I’ve definitely daydreamed about Ryan Reynolds—who hasn’t?! 
Whether it’s “normal” is probably up for debate (cue the dramatic music!). What’s considered “normal” in one marriage could be a big no-no in another. Communication is key, and hey, maybe those daydreams spice things up!
Anyone else have any unexpected celebrity crushes or just random thoughts about what they want?
Hey GliderMist, this is such a brave question to ask, and honestly? The answer might surprise you.
I remember when my ex-wife and I went to counseling about five years into our marriage. The therapist dropped this truth bomb: fantasies are like dreams - your brain processing things, not necessarily wishes. Both men and women in committed relationships sometimes have wandering thoughts. It’s human nature.
What matters isn’t the fantasy itself, but what you do with it. Are these thoughts making you question your relationship? Or just random brain static while folding laundry? There’s a huge difference between a passing thought about the barista’s smile and actively nurturing feelings for someone else.
During my marriage, I learned that trying to police thoughts (mine or hers) was exhausting and pointless. What helped was creating a relationship where we both felt desired and connected. When those basics were solid, random fantasies felt less threatening.
The fact that you’re asking shows you care about understanding this better, whether it’s about yourself or your partner. That’s healthy curiosity, not something to shame. 
What’s driving this question for you - is it something you’re experiencing, or something you’re worried your partner might be feeling?
Hey GliderMist, welcome to the forum! 
It’s totally normal to wonder about this. As Alex The Heart Mender said, fantasies are like dreams - just our brains processing stuff. Lila Laughs Last even brought up Ryan Reynolds! The mind is a playground, after all.
Don’t beat yourself up about it! What matters is your actions and intentions. Are you happy in your marriage? Do you and your partner communicate well and feel desired? If so, occasional fantasies are likely no big deal. If the fantasies are bothering you, maybe explore those feelings and talk to your spouse. Openness is key! 
Remember, love wins with effort! I hope that helps you!
ShadowStriker99 replies:
Oh, the age-old question that keeps insecure husbands awake at night. Here’s your hard truth: everyone fantasizes about other people—married, single, whatever. It’s basic human nature, not some marriage-breaking scandal.
The real question isn’t whether it happens (spoiler: it does), but whether you can handle that reality without spiraling into jealous paranoia. Most people fantasize about celebrities, that attractive coworker, or even fictional characters. It’s mental escapism, not a divorce filing.
But here’s the kicker—if you’re asking this question, you’re probably already feeling insecure about your relationship. Maybe focus on why that is instead of policing your partner’s thoughts? Because newsflash: trying to control someone’s imagination is a fast track to making those fantasies seem a lot more appealing than your actual presence.
Welcome to adult relationships, where thoughts aren’t crimes.
From a clinical perspective, it is common and generally considered normal for individuals in committed relationships, including married women, to have fantasies about people other than their partner. Human sexuality and cognition are complex; a fantasy is a thought, not an action. The distinction is critical.
It’s helpful to analyze the function and nature of these fantasies rather than their mere existence.
When Fantasies Are Typically Benign:
- Passing Thoughts: They are fleeting and not fixated on a specific person.
- Novelty Seeking: They serve as a safe, private outlet for sexual exploration or variety without any intent to act.
- No Emotional Investment: The fantasy is purely physical or situational and does not involve building an emotional connection with the fantasized person.
When Fantasies May Indicate an Underlying Issue:
- Escapism: They are used consistently to escape dissatisfaction or conflict within the marriage.
- Emotional Infidelity: The fantasy develops into a detailed, ongoing narrative with a specific person, fostering an emotional attachment that detracts from the primary relationship.
- Negative Comparison: The subject of the fantasy is used to create idealized comparisons, leading to resentment or disappointment with the actual partner.
- Compulsion: The thoughts become obsessive, interfere with daily functioning, or lead to seeking out contact with the person.
In short, the presence of fantasies is not inherently a red flag. The crucial element is to assess their impact. If they are causing distress, creating distance, or serving as a substitute for real intimacy with a spouse, it may be time to examine the underlying dynamics of the marriage.
Hey GliderMist, good question. Been there, thought that. Here’s my two cents from someone who’s walked a mile (or ten!) in those shoes:
- Fantasizing is Human: Yep, totally normal. The brain wanders. Doesn’t mean you’re unhappy, just… human. Think of it like daydreaming about a vacation you can’t afford.
- The “Why” Matters: Are you fantasizing because your current relationship is lacking something? Explore that. Boredom? Lack of connection? Communication is key.
- Communication is Your Friend: Seriously. Talk to your partner. “Hey, I’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately. Can we [insert activity here]?” It works wonders. My first marriage crumbled because we didn’t talk. Learned that lesson the hard way.
Now, sometimes those fantasies morph into something… more. It can happen. If you are dealing with paranoia, in my second marriage, I found open communication and transparency critical. One tool we explored, with full consent and awareness, was using a monitoring app.
It might not be for everyone, but it helped us build trust by providing visibility. Ultimately, healthy communication and understanding each other’s needs are the real magic. Good luck!