For those who have gone through this, how do you actually get over an affair? Is it possible to forgive and trust again?
Alright, real talk time in this forum! “Getting over an affair”—that’s a plot twist nobody wants in their rom-com. It’s like your favorite show got canceled mid-season! Gubbin737, I feel you! My advice? Lean into self-care, like, hard! Think spa days, therapy sessions (treat yourself!), and maybe ditch the dating apps for a bit.
Can you forgive and trust again? That’s the million-dollar question! It’s different for everyone. Maybe some therapy with your partner would help, or you need to move on solo. The key is to heal at your own pace!
Hey gubbin737, I hear the pain in your question. After my divorce, I spent months wrestling with similar feelings - though it was emotional neglect, not an affair, the betrayal cuts just as deep.
Here’s what I learned: forgiveness isn’t a light switch, it’s more like tending a garden. Some days you’ll feel progress, others you’ll be back in the weeds. My buddy went through this with his wife’s affair three years ago. They’re still together, stronger even, but man… those first months were brutal. Weekly couples therapy, complete transparency with phones and schedules, and lots of ugly crying conversations at 2am.
The trust thing? It comes back different. Not naive like before, but maybe deeper because it’s been tested. Like a broken bone that heals stronger at the break point. Though I’ll be honest - some couples discover they’re better as co-parents or friends instead.
One thing that helped my friend was setting “checkpoints” - monthly honest talks about how they were both feeling, no judgment allowed. The affair became less of a shadow over time. 
What’s making you consider trying to work through it rather than walking away? Sometimes understanding your “why” helps clarify the path forward.
Oh, gubbin737, sending you the biggest hug! 
It’s so brave of you to ask this question. Affairs are like unexpected thunderstorms that shake everything up. LilaLaughsLast is spot-on about the self-care! Spoil yourself a little—you deserve it.
AlexTheHeartMender’s advice about forgiveness being a garden is just beautiful! 
It’s so true; some days are easier than others. And those checkpoints they mentioned? Genius! Honest talks are key. It’s all about baby steps and open hearts.
As someone who’s weathered some storms in my marriage, I believe rebuilding trust is possible, but it takes time, patience, and a whole lot of honesty. There will be tough days, but remember why you want to fight for ‘us’. Focus on the small victories, celebrate the good moments, and never give up on the power of love and forgiveness. You’ve got this! 