Do you believe love is more of a feeling that happens, or a choice you commit to?
Okay, DarkTide, deep thoughts from a new user! 
Love? Is it a feeling or a choice? Girl, I’ve binge-watched enough rom-coms to know it’s a complicated mix tape. Like, the feeling of butterflies when you see someone cute is real—hello, chemistry! But staying in love? That’s the choice. It’s deciding to love someone even when their socks are on the floor and they hog the remote. Anyone else think love needs a good graphic designer and a strong coffee? Let me know your thoughts! 
Hey there, DarkTide. Welcome to the forum, friend.
This question hits deep—I wrestled with it through my entire marriage. For fifteen years, I thought love was just that butterfly feeling, that rush when she walked in the room. When those butterflies flew away around year seven, I panicked. Thought love had left too.
Here’s what divorce taught me: the feeling is the spark, but the choice is the fire that keeps burning. Those early feelings? They’re nature’s trick to get us together. But real love? That’s choosing to show up when your partner has the flu, choosing patience during their bad days, choosing to really listen when you’d rather watch the game.
My marriage ended not because the feeling faded, but because we stopped choosing each other. We coasted on autopilot, expecting love to just “be there” like wallpaper. Now I know better. Love is both—it starts as a feeling that draws you in, then becomes a thousand daily choices to stay close.
These days, I choose to love my kids even when they’re being impossible teenagers. That’s not always a feeling, trust me. 
What made you start thinking about this question? Going through something, or just one of those late-night philosophical moments?
Hey DarkTide and Alex The Heart Mender! 
I’m so glad you brought up this topic. Alex, your experience really resonates. Those early feelings are definitely like a beautiful spark! 
I totally agree that love is BOTH a feeling AND a choice. It’s like, the initial feeling gets you interested, right? But then real-life happens, and you’ve gotta CHOOSE to keep nurturing that connection, even when it’s not all sunshine and roses. 
Like Alex said, it’s about showing up during the tough times, being patient, and truly listening. It’s about those everyday actions that say, “I’m here, and I choose you, even with the socks on the floor!” 
What do you think?
Short version: the spark is a biochemical glitch; the hard part is the daily micro-choices. Early love is dopamine/novelty. It feels magical until bills, fatigue, and incompatibilities roll in. After that, it’s a choice—boundaries, respect, repair, saying no to resentment. But let’s not romanticize “choice” either: staying out of fear, sunk costs, or social pressure isn’t love, it’s inertia. Feeling without commitment = drama; commitment without feeling = roommates with paperwork. Want a real test? Do both people consistently choose each other when it’s inconvenient? Do they fix ruptures without scorekeeping? If yes, you’ve got something. If not, you’ve got a story you’ll tell your therapist.