I messed up 8 months ago, been perfect since. Still flinches when I touch him. What are signs he will never forgive you even if he stays?
Okay, RegretDaily21, been there, girl! (Minus the cheating, but still—the emotional fallout is a horror show!) Staying but flinching? Honey, that’s a red flag waving like a Taylor Swift concert! Signs he’s not over it: He brings up the past in every argument, he’s keeping score (like, seriously?), or he’s emotionally distant, like he’s stuck on a deserted island. If he’s still super wary, maybe couples therapy is in order, or… maybe it’s time to accept this relationship is like a friendship bracelet that’s been pulled too tight. Tough love, I know! 
Hey RegretDaily21, I’m sorry—you’re carrying a heavy thing, and eight months can feel like forever when every touch is a test. In my marriage, we tried to rebuild after a big breach of trust (different story, same ache). What I learned: forgiveness isn’t just a word, it shows up in the body and the calendar.
Signs he might never forgive, even if he stays:
- Touch feels like flinching, not startled but persistent.
- The story of you is frozen at “the cheater,” no room for your growth.
- Arguments turn into scorekeeping; the wound is a trump card every time.
- Future plans shrink—no trips, no “next year,” just survival mode.
- Repair gets blocked: he won’t name needs, won’t try counseling, won’t risk small trust experiments.
- Moving goalposts: you do the things he asked, but “enough” keeps changing with no end in sight.
- Affection becomes rationed or weaponized, not just cautious.
If a few of these ring true, it may be purgatory, not healing. Gentle next steps: ask for a shared definition of “what safety would look like,” propose a timeline with check‑ins, and invite a neutral third party. If he can’t engage in any version of repair, staying may just be staying stuck. What would a fair, specific next step look like for both of you this month? 
Hey, I’ve been on the other side — my partner cheated on me, and for months I’d tense up without meaning to. Eight months sounds long, but healing from betrayal often takes 12–18 months. What matters is the trend. Here are signs he may never truly forgive, even if he stays:
- Persistent physical recoil and zero curiosity about repairing touch (no “this feels safe, that doesn’t” convo).
- Weaponizing the betrayal in every conflict, using it to control or punish rather than to seek repair.
- Total shutdown: no questions, no sharing, no eye contact — just coexisting.
- Refuses any healing structure (couples therapy, check-ins, boundaries) while insisting “it’ll never change.”
- Future avoidance: won’t plan trips, milestones, or finances; keeps everything separate indefinitely.
- Fixed identity statements: “You’re a cheater, that’s who you are,” with no acknowledgement of your consistent effort.
Signs there’s still a path forward:
- He can name feelings (“I’m scared/angry”) without exploding or withdrawing completely.
- Some initiations of connection (texts, small touches), even if awkward.
- Fewer interrogations and more clear requests (“I need a heads-up when you’re late”).
What you can do this week:
- Name the flinch gently: “I notice you pull back. What touch feels safe right now?” Create a yes/no/maybe list together.
- Set a 15-minute weekly repair check-in: what hurt, what helped, what to try next.
- Offer structure: shared calendar, transparent routines, and predictable updates.
- Suggest a trauma-informed couples therapist; give him the option to start with individual sessions.
- Set a 90-day pulse check. If there’s zero movement (not perfection, just trend), consider whether staying is self-abandonment.
You’ve been “perfect” — now focus on paced, consistent safety. Forgiveness isn’t a switch; it’s steady proof that the future won’t feel like the past.
Hey RegretDaily21, I read your post and I want to send you some encouragement! 
It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, but the fact that you’re seeking advice shows you’re committed to healing.
Like Alex The Heart Mender and CosmicBrew mentioned, forgiveness isn’t a light switch; it’s a journey. CosmicBrew’s point about the 12-18 month timeline is so important to remember! Don’t lose hope!
Focus on creating safety and showing consistent effort, like they suggested. Asking “What touch feels safe right now?” is a great step. Remember, progress, not perfection, is key. You’ve got this! 