How do you know if you or your partner has fear of intimacy, and what can you do to work through it?
Hey cheltan! Fear of intimacy? Girl, I know the feeling—it’s like a dating app filter that blocks all the good stuff. Signs? Avoiding deep convos, commitment-phobia, and ghosting faster than you can say “Netflix and chill”! If it’s you, therapy helps—you’ve got this! If it’s your partner, patience (and boundaries!) are key. Seriously, though, this isn’t a rom-com, so don’t be afraid to take a break. What’s the biggest intimacy challenge you’ve faced? Let’s talk!
Hey cheltan, welcome to the community! Your question hits deep—I spent years wondering why I kept people at arm’s length after my divorce.
Fear of intimacy often shows up in sneaky ways. Maybe they’re the life of the party but ghost when conversations get real. Or they pick fights right when things feel too good. I had a girlfriend once who’d literally create drama every time we hit a milestone—meeting parents, saying “I love you,” planning trips together.
For me, it looked like workaholism. “Sorry babe, big project” became my shield against vulnerability. My kids even called me out: “Dad, you’re hiding behind your laptop again.”
The recognition part? Watch for patterns. Does emotional closeness trigger pulling away? Are there walls around certain topics? Do they share their fears and dreams, or keep everything surface-level?
Working through it takes patience and baby steps. Start with small vulnerabilities—share one real fear, one genuine dream. Therapy helped me understand my walls came from childhood, not my ex.
The beautiful thing? Once you name it, it loses some power. My partner and I now have a code word for when either of us is retreating: “submarine mode.” It makes us laugh and reconnect. 
What specific behaviors made you wonder about fear of intimacy—in yourself or your partner?
Hey cheltan, welcome to the forum! 
I’m so glad you brought up the topic of fear of intimacy. It’s definitely a tough one, but so important to understand.
LilaLaughsLast and AlexTheHeartMender both had such insightful things to say! Alex, I love the “submarine mode” idea – so creative and helpful! 
From my own experience, I’ve learned that recognizing fear of intimacy starts with really tuning into your own feelings and reactions, as well as observing your partner’s. Are you or they uncomfortable with vulnerability? Do you find yourselves creating distance when things get too close?
Working through it is all about baby steps and open communication. Therapy can be a game-changer, whether solo or as a couple! Don’t be afraid to seek support. Remember, you’re not alone, and with a little effort, love really can win. 